Settle down, now let's begin...

On where I've been for the last three years

Welcome,

Hello again if you've read me before and hello afresh if you haven't. I'm so happy to have you here.

I haven't written anything for other people to read since 2020. Back then, I was in a new marriage, in a new home, living in a new country and learning a new language. My body was also growing a new human. Suffice it to say, I was going through changes.

I needed life to settle a bit before I could give any attention to writing.

I gave birth. The increasingly tangled strands of my identity completely unraveled. I could not see that they were reweaving themselves into something new, only that all the efficient ways of being that I'd spent the previous years learning were rendered useless. Nothing seemed to work the way it used to.

The domain registration for my blog needed to be renewed. My web hosting needed to be paid for. I let them expire. I needed some income before I got back to writing.

I moved from Mantua, Italy to Cape Town, South Africa. Not my first international move by any stretch of the imagination but my first with a husband and a baby. The efficient ways of moving house with a single suitcase that I'd spent years perfecting? Useless. Things no longer worked the way they used to.

I knew life in Cape Town would be easier. It's not a new place for me. English is my language. I have friends there, and family. I would start writing again. And storytelling.

But I was a new person; a wife, a mother, and my body was once again growing a new human. The first one was walking more, talking more and sleeping less. Writing would have to wait, and storytelling too. Life needed to settle down.

I gave birth again. I juggled a newborn and a toddler. I learned I would be moving internationally again - to Rome this time. That my husband would travel ahead of me and I would follow. Not my first international move, of course, but my first with two small children. The single suitcase life was but a memory and writing would have to wait.

As the plane took off from Cape Town I left the ground. In many ways, I still haven't landed. Rome didn't work out and we hit the road in search of a new place to call home.

I write this from the twenty-seventh place I've slept since November, in the seventh country. I feel untethered, like a hot air balloon. I float around but there is a certain freedom in it, a different pace of life. I'm disconnected from society but I see clearly from here. I have a bird’s eye view.

What was unbearably difficult for the first two months is now a lifestyle that I have somewhat adapted to. It's unsustainable and can't last forever (what goes up must come down) but I can find joy and excitement in it. I'm okay. My marriage is okay. My children are okay.

It's been three years since I last wrote something for other people to read. My marriage isn't so new anymore. The new country is now a country I’ve left and returned to. I'm still learning that new language. The babies are growing and changing. Life doesn't show signs of settling down. I can't wait anymore. I'm writing.

It's time to learn new ways. Inefficient, imperfect ways. Five suitcase ways. Less sleep, love-fueled ways. Some days I can, some days I can't ways.

I figure, if I can adapt to moving around with two children under three, and no permanent base, I can bloody well adapt to carving out moments to put some words on a page.

It might take longer than it used to but if there's one thing life is teaching me right now, it's this: point yourself in the right direction, then enjoy the road. If the destination is desirable, the length of the journey is less important. Slow down. It's okay to rest.

I read a quote today, attributed to Stephen McCranie:

“The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.”

It hit hard. Here I am, trying.

What new challenges are you adapting to in your life?

What are you willing to try?