I remember the first time my friends without kids visited my and my new baby after months of preemie drama - I felt like I was staring into my old life that I didn’t occupy anymore. In my experience, true friends always remain, but the ones without kids cannot comprehend the change that occurs when one has a child, and we can never go back to not knowing - so the friendship is different and there is a gulf of child vs no child that cannot me bridged or explained. But true friends remain friends, despite the gulf.
This is so sweet, it melts your heart into a puddle of wee. Sorry, haha, I couldn't not make that joke, you weaved pee and poop so well into your post/letter! A puddle of butter then. The "I'm not saying you're less important than pee" really cracked me up. This was a very...mellow post, in a somewhat sad and reminiscing way. Or maybe I'm just sleepy. But either way, it was very well penned. The river imagery made me think of the song "Dear Friend Across the River," though the message of the song is very different.
Thank you so much for this. I've seen your comments on a few pieces and they're always very thoughtful (and funny). You weaved pee and poop so well into your post" has to be the best compliment I've received on my writing 😂😂
haha, you're welcome! I love the combination of profundity and humor. It makes for a fun time. And you're the second person in the last few days to say my comment was one of the best compliments you've received! What can I say, funny begets funny, and good writing deserves good praise.
Thank you for writing this. I'm happily child-free, but so many of my friends are parents and it does change the relationship. It doesn't change the love we have for each other, but it does change the relationship. Sometimes I talk about it with other child free friends, but I don't dare talk about it with the mothers, because I don't want them to feel either a burden or like I'm against their children (I love their children, in an auntie way). It's a very tricky path to tread for all of us, it seems. Thank you for making me feel seen and I'm going to send this to some of my friends, too.
Wow, I thing it's the first time I read about this. I'm glad you opened the conversation. I know some mothers also seem not to care but are just struggling with how to maintain friendships when they have like quite no more time for anything. I wonder if some people talk seriously about this before the baby is there, to decide how to go on without unbalancing the relation.
That's such an interesting thought... I'm curious about that too now. And if there are these friendships that recognise in advance that one party becoming a parent might be something tricky to navigate, I wonder what strategies they use.
I feel like you're speaking what I feel with this one Rahma. I remember that last blog that you wrote during lockdown and particularly about how you moved around the house with the light as it shifted throughout the day. It really stuck in my head. I'm loving reading what you have to say again. Sara x
As a childless woman who has friends who mother, and has “lost” friends to motherhood, I somehow feel seen😅. You’ve spoken on behalf of a lot of those friends of mine. Thank you ❤️
I'm so glad you feel seen 🤗 I think it's an experience that isn't often spoken about.
I've been surprised at the response to this piece of writing, from both the mothers and the non-mothers. Both can recognise something in it.
I guess it's one of those things that can easily go unspoken. There's a big change in the relationship when one of the parties becomes a mother but we don't mention it or address it head on. Maybe because our society kind of views parenting as something akin to a hobby, that you do in your spare time, outside of office hours, with no acknowledgement of what a monumental shift it is.
I remember the first time my friends without kids visited my and my new baby after months of preemie drama - I felt like I was staring into my old life that I didn’t occupy anymore. In my experience, true friends always remain, but the ones without kids cannot comprehend the change that occurs when one has a child, and we can never go back to not knowing - so the friendship is different and there is a gulf of child vs no child that cannot me bridged or explained. But true friends remain friends, despite the gulf.
This is so sweet, it melts your heart into a puddle of wee. Sorry, haha, I couldn't not make that joke, you weaved pee and poop so well into your post/letter! A puddle of butter then. The "I'm not saying you're less important than pee" really cracked me up. This was a very...mellow post, in a somewhat sad and reminiscing way. Or maybe I'm just sleepy. But either way, it was very well penned. The river imagery made me think of the song "Dear Friend Across the River," though the message of the song is very different.
Thank you so much for this. I've seen your comments on a few pieces and they're always very thoughtful (and funny). You weaved pee and poop so well into your post" has to be the best compliment I've received on my writing 😂😂
haha, you're welcome! I love the combination of profundity and humor. It makes for a fun time. And you're the second person in the last few days to say my comment was one of the best compliments you've received! What can I say, funny begets funny, and good writing deserves good praise.
Thank you for writing this. I'm happily child-free, but so many of my friends are parents and it does change the relationship. It doesn't change the love we have for each other, but it does change the relationship. Sometimes I talk about it with other child free friends, but I don't dare talk about it with the mothers, because I don't want them to feel either a burden or like I'm against their children (I love their children, in an auntie way). It's a very tricky path to tread for all of us, it seems. Thank you for making me feel seen and I'm going to send this to some of my friends, too.
Wow, I thing it's the first time I read about this. I'm glad you opened the conversation. I know some mothers also seem not to care but are just struggling with how to maintain friendships when they have like quite no more time for anything. I wonder if some people talk seriously about this before the baby is there, to decide how to go on without unbalancing the relation.
That's such an interesting thought... I'm curious about that too now. And if there are these friendships that recognise in advance that one party becoming a parent might be something tricky to navigate, I wonder what strategies they use.
I feel like you're speaking what I feel with this one Rahma. I remember that last blog that you wrote during lockdown and particularly about how you moved around the house with the light as it shifted throughout the day. It really stuck in my head. I'm loving reading what you have to say again. Sara x
As a childless woman who has friends who mother, and has “lost” friends to motherhood, I somehow feel seen😅. You’ve spoken on behalf of a lot of those friends of mine. Thank you ❤️
I'm so glad you feel seen 🤗 I think it's an experience that isn't often spoken about.
I've been surprised at the response to this piece of writing, from both the mothers and the non-mothers. Both can recognise something in it.
I guess it's one of those things that can easily go unspoken. There's a big change in the relationship when one of the parties becomes a mother but we don't mention it or address it head on. Maybe because our society kind of views parenting as something akin to a hobby, that you do in your spare time, outside of office hours, with no acknowledgement of what a monumental shift it is.